“But in Friendship – in that luminous, tranquil, rational world of relationships freely chosen – you got away from all that. This alone, of all the loves, seemed to raise you to the level of gods or angels.”
Hello new friends!! My name is fieqah, and I am the other side to Kelsey’s story from the past two weeks. I’m excited Heather and Kelly asked Kels and I to share a bit of the craziness happening in our lives right now and some of the things we are learning through it! I’m sure you know this after reading Kelsey’s posts, but our friendship has been quite unconventional and our views on relationships are relatively unpopular. I want to dive into that a little more, but first I think I need to briefly share my side of this crazy story!
The quote above is from a book by C.S. Lewis called, “The Four Loves.” In it, Lewis explores the nature of the four loves that were all very well known to cultures throughout history. One of these loves is friendship, and Lewis is even bold enough to say that this love is the happiest of the loves but isn’t experienced by most in today’s culture.
I felt this disconnect in our culture very strongly most of my life. I always wanted deep friendships – David/Jonathan friendships – but it seemed like everyone else in my life was running from those type of friendships because of what people could think. I ended up having several friendships that would be considered deep if you asked them, and a bit less deep if you asked me. Nonetheless, I had great friends in my life. I didn’t confuse friendship with romance. My dad is a marriage/family counselor, and I grew up getting marital counseling from the age of 6. I was the only 6 year old in my class who knew basic strategy for opening up communication in a marriage. This helped me in many ways growing up, but I got weird looks whenever I would give my teachers relationship advice… Anyway, I dove into deep friendships but was very comfortable staying out of the dating scene. I figured that if God knit me together, knew every day of my life before one came to pass, and wants to bring fullness and abundance to me… He probably knows the details around my love life too. Single or married and the timeline surrounding both was His concern, not mine.
Now, we all know the passage in scripture where Paul says, “If you can stay single, by all means be single” (1 Cor. 7:8). Lets be honest friends, most of us love to breeze on by that passage without dedicating any thought to it. Don’t do it!! I think that the first inference we need to make here is the simple fact that being single is an option. It doesn’t make us unclean or uncool, nor does it place us single folk beneath the oh-so-desirable married. I have honestly believed my whole life that the “single” season in life is equally as beautiful as the “married” season. Living with that perspective, I dove into every adventure I could. I pursued dreams that were destined to fail without divine intervention. I took risks, and failed more times than I can count. I just kept running. The destination I was running toward was the Lord and His plans, whereas most of my friends were running toward a girl or a boy. The girl or boy would change frequently, but the goal was the same. I rarely saw these friends fulfilled, and I never saw a passion for who God created them to be as individuals.
Because of my decisive and potentially stubborn drive to go against the norm, I had countless concerned friends praying for me to find a girl, a never ending supply of advice on how to change my life to make that happen, and even a large group of people, (friends, family, teachers, pastors), questioning every piece of my identity down to the core. This rocked my faith and challenged me to hold even tighter to the Truth claims of God and to know conclusively what the truth was about me. Through this journey, I became very content being single for life. I decided that friendship was a hill I was willing to die on, and even if God brought a teammate into my life, I wanted our marriage to stand on the “friendship team.” I wanted to have a deep, unwavering, foundational friendship that won’t be shaken by the rollercoaster of emotions or the altering of circumstances in our lives.
…
Once upon a time, a matchmaking effort that was destined to fail brought two like-minded individuals together. A friendship ensued. An unexpected weekend with the girl’s best friend marked the beginning of a tangible friendship going beyond the reach of most. Dozens of adventures in several states with family and friends added to this story. A tour bus here, a plane ride there, a private jet to the next stop… this became the framework of two friends that could potentially live life together. Precious new friends imparting wisdom and standing with us as “friends with a future” provided encouragement and accountability. Down time to talk about the really hard issues, without the pressure of being anything but friends defined a new type of relationship. Clear direction from the Lord and confirmation from those He has placed in our lives to provide counsel propelled us to begin moving forward. Overwhelming provision and unavoidable circumstances brought reigning peace as we began walking down this road. Even the most advanced mathematician couldn’t have drawn up the timing from start to present. Here we are. Friends with a future. Friends with countless adventures still left to live. Friends planning on opening a new chapter and a new depth to our friendship when we explore another type of love together. Friends who could have lived in the current chapter as simply “friends” if God had not moved our hearts, and we would have still found beauty and contentment in that relationship.
who are we ???
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